79 Ministry

Recently, I wrote about a revelation that I received from the Lord several months ago, regarding suffering.  He asked the question “Do you want to know why I allow babies to get cancer?”  The answer wasn’t a precise jumble of words – it was more like a vision of how we live our lives – distracted by a delusion of time remaining in our future.  He showed me that our system of things is a lie.  We rush through each day, chasing after the next goal – the next accomplishment – the next 3 years or 10 years, never realizing that tomorrow isn’t even promised to us at all.  He was explaining to me that our expectancy in waiting until we’re old and retired to get to know Him (truly know Him), and put him first in our lives, was walking a dangerous tight-rope, gambling with our eternity.  In essence, children getting cancer doesn’t make sense.  It seems out of line with our expectancy to live long lives and only face illness as we enter our elderly years.  So what is the purpose of it?

I was first led to the book of Ezekiel in researching “stroke in the bible”.  Like many people, who endure great tragedy, I wanted to know what the Lord had to say about our circumstances.  Was there anyone written of in the word of God that had experienced similar circumstances to us?

Through a deep study on the book of Ezekiel, I’m now pondering a potential connection in the trials of our personal lives, with the story of Ezekiel, and with the revelation the Lord gave me about illnesses that come upon our children – which seems to be widespread and more frequent in the days we live in now.

Ezekiel is believed to be the first prophet chosen by God outside of Israel – sent to God’s people as a WARNING of things to come.  He didn’t come here to live it up and have a party on earth.  In fact, his life wasn’t a journey that any of us would likely choose.

Ezekiel’s assignment on Earth in a nutshell….

Encounter the living God and receive prophecy of destruction to come.. Deliver God’s messages to people that won’t listen to you, then lose the ability to talk as your tongue cleaves to the roof of your mouth and you’re bound to lay on one side for 390 days (endure a stroke for the days that represent each year of Israel’s sin), as you drink water in measures and eat soup prepared in cow dung, then do it again (endure another stroke) this time laying on your right side for 40 days in demonstration to Judah’s 40 years of sin…. then shave all your hair off, separate it in 3 portions to show what will become of God’s people (fire, famine and a remnant).. then when your wife dies, speak to God’s people without mourning her death to demonstrate that God will not mourn the destruction of his bride that betrayed him.  

What is a prophet of God?

So many people today claim to be prophets, (just as Jesus said this would happen).  But what is a prophet?  I’ve read over the book of revelations so many times – wondering about the martrys and the saints and the 12 tribes and the elect ones.  And while my theories are severely flawed – which I openly confess in a deep understanding that I’m just a child, being raised and taught by our Father in Heaven – I can’t help but ponder why the martyrs are the ones standing at the throne of God when the sixth seal is opened.  And even more intriguing, is my fleshly desire to not be in that group.  No one in our carnal minds, wants to be brutally killed, right?  Yet, that group of people are standing at the throne.  So my second question to myself is, Do I want to be a prophet?  It sounds really cool to be “chosen by God” to deliver an important message to the world.  But what kind of qualification does that assignment require?  What if being a prophet has little to do with our words, and everything to do with how God uses our lives to WARN others – as Ezekiel was sent to perform demonstration as warning to Israel of destruction that was coming upon their land.

In conclusion, I don’t know for sure that Ezekiel’s symptoms describe a stroke.  It certainly appears that way to me – forced to lay one side (because half of his body is paralyzed?) – he’s made dumb and his tongue cleaves to his mouth as he’s unable to speak, (Josh went through that stage and it sure sounds like the immediate effects of brain damage).  But the importance here is the lesson of Ezekiel’s life – the life of a prophet of God.

Who are the prophets of God today?

In the book of Acts, verse 2:17 says, “‘In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams.  Let’s examine this!  God didn’t say the old men, or the preachers or the elders of the church or the wise men (or elderly) would prophesy.  He said “your sons and daughters will prophesy”.   Is this not the young people – the children?  If we take this text and relate it to the life of Ezekiel, is God implying that our children (sons and daughters) will suffer various forms of illness as a demonstration of what is to come?  – as a WARNING of the lies we live inside of – believing in a time-line that we simply don’t have? 

How does this link to the question the Lord asked me, “Do you want to know why I allow babies to get cancer?”  How does this make sense with my own life – watching my healthy, (not a candidate for stroke), husband, fall into such horrid disabilities in his thirties?  And is this entire process, a purposed path for the Lord to use our lives to minister and warn others? – not through our words, but through demonstration in our lives, serving as a reminder to everyone that sees us that tomorrow is not promised? 

Gosh, I wish I had all the answers….  The Lord certainly knows.

 

Just learned last night that a friend of ours lost her young husband… I can’t help but cry and feel heartbroken for her and her family… I want to share something… Last year, there was a period when I felt completely surrounded by loss and bad news, not just in my life but in those around me. It seemed like everyday was full of sadness – loss of life, friends finding out they had cancer, etc.. I prayed nightly for understanding – meditating on Paul’s prayer in Ephesians 3..

We were sitting outside of Wingstop one day in my car, waiting on Lil Josh to pick-up his order. God asked me, “You want to know why I allow babies to get cancer?” It’s odd because I’d never asked that specific question, but it was certainly something I couldn’t grasp. Little ones suffering from anything never made sense to me, especially if we “reap what we sow,” (which I misunderstood)… Anyway, I started typing the message in my cell phone.

Basically, the Lord explained that our system of things is a lie. We adapt to stages of life that are taught to us and look forward to them with expectancy, (when the Lord taught to look forward to HIM with expectancy). I guess my stage of expectancy was in focus of my career and getting my kids through high school. And that’s OK, but there’s always a next item.. until we get old and retire and the world’s to-do lists aren’t so hectic. And only then (if I’m being honest with myself), would I have found the time to put God first. He would have taken a back seat to my stressful schedule and never-ending to-do lists, which would’ve probably continued another 40 years from now. That’s the lie he was showing me – I don’t have 40 years to reach for him. I’m not even promised 40 minutes. Somewhere deep down I always understood that death was part of life – just not part of my life. I felt invincible and guaranteed the statistical averages (60 to 80 years or more).

Anyway, in loss we’re taken out of the world for a moment in time. We reflect on the big picture – why are we here? what’s the purpose of this all? In loss, the stuff that used to matter is meaningless. The bible teaches us to seek Jesus with our whole heart. It’s easy to say but not easy to do…. I first learned how to do that when my tomorrow didn’t make sense anymore – when my heart was broken into so many pieces, I knew I wasn’t capable of putting it back together again. In loss, God is closest to us, holding out his arms with an invite to come to him and to get to KNOW HIM. In loss he taught me that the HERE AND NOW is just a vapor – over in a flash, like a short pit-stop before eternity begins. In loss he taught me that this place isn’t home.. HE is my home. As painful as it may be, loss is sometimes the necessary reminder – a walk through the fire that leads to life – real life. Like a wake-up call from Heaven, tapping me on the shoulder and exposing the lies of a broken world in order to reveal purpose in who I really am… a child of God destined for something much greater than this temporary home.

My prayer today is that all who are hurting can find purpose in their pain – and the empty spaces inside of their broken hearts will be filled with the love of Jesus, who has defeated death and set the captives free… He is life everlasting and the promise that we hold onto, knowing that in Him we will still have heartache and many trials in this temporary place, but it’s all just temporary… One day soon, he will wipe away all of our tears and raise us from these corruptible bodies into a beauty that we can’t even yet comprehend….. “And deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.” – Hebrews 2:15…. God bless you all today in Christ Jesus <3

After so many years in the corporate world, working for big business, I just loved working in real estate.  I love that I can do a job that focuses solely on impacting a family or an individual throughout one of the biggest decisions and milestones of their lives.  It’s personal.  It’s rewarding internally.  But it’s also highly competitive –  bringing out a not so pretty side to people working in the business at times.

I just completed a bible study on Psalms 119.  In the midst of David’s trouble – almost a bipolar reaction to God, He praises the Lord and thanks him for help – then cries out for help, over an over again throughout this Psalm.  So in one of the texts, where David appears to be in a troubled state he says, “The Lord is my Portion.”

In pondering what this text means, I felt a relation yesterday on the subject of real estate that tugged at my insides.  A friend tagged me in a social media post, in response to a neighbor that was looking for referrals for a good real estate agent.  Throughout the day I continued to get updates on this post.  I’m still getting them even today.  I mean, there must be hundreds of responses – most of them are not referrals but instead are agents leaving remarks in attempt to sell themselves to this lady.  It looked like a pool of desperation sounding off the plea “pick me!  pick me!”  And, as I read through the comments, I felt guilty.  I felt almost ashamed of what I do for a living – to be in the mix of a game we play in kicking down the little guy to gain more for myself.  I thought about all of the success I’ve had in the past, in this extremely competitive industry that honestly seemed to come pretty easy for me – and I thought about all of those that were struggling just to catch a crumb dropped on the floor.  In the book of Mark, a lady wanted the Lord’s help and he said “it’s not right to take the children’s food and toss it to the dogs”.  She replied, “Yes Lord but even the dogs get to eat of the crumbs they drop on the floor.”

Even in my current state of struggle, (sometimes feeling like it’s my turn to be a dog on the floor searching for crumbs), I felt myself silently cheering for the little guys as I read that post yesterday.  I know the big names – I’ve worked many deals with the same real estate agents over and over that hold most of the market share in our area.  And yes, they were there too, (with a I’m better than everyone else attitude), pridefully stating claims of their success in a sales pitch to this woman.  I felt the compassion of the Lord, who granted that woman her wish for her daughter to be healed in the text of Mark.  And I secretly wanted to say, “Give this one a try – she will work hard for you because she really needs the business.”  But, that’s just not how our world works – ran by the prince of the air.  Success is a perception that breeds more success.  And it’s not always based on skill or ability – many times its just based on perception alone.  Some of the best agents I’ve worked with – I’m talking agents that bent over backwards for their clients, never make it to the top of the charts.  While other agents that hardly find time to return phone calls are sitting on a mountain of success.  And I’m seeing both sides of this with a little bit of sadness – yet realizing again that all of things are purposed.

What if removal from the successors is a blessing in disguise?  What if Paul spoke of his understanding in what it means to have plenty and what it means to have nothing, as a qualifier that gave him knowledge on his ability to endure – doing all things through Christ who strengthens him?  What if we have to experience being a dog under the table, begging for crumbs in order to understand the desperation of that woman who pleaded with Jesus for his help?  What if humility is a building block for compassion?

And I ask myself today, if everything I have is removed from me in this world, where my portion once seemed plenty, is Jesus enough?  Can I see through the stress and fear and worry like David did and lay down my troubles with Joy in my heart saying, “The LORD is my portion.”

This place is so centered on the object of money and success – acquiring treasures of the here and now.  And we don’t know what we do.  But in the essence of truth, I’ve found great sorrow in my own heart – repentance for all the days I’ve walked in self-absorbance, prideful, unappreciative of the Lord and unwilling to throw crumbs at “the least of these” – as described in Mathew 25.  All the days I’ve walked with my sights set on serving myself, instead of serving the Lord – lacking compassion for those who are oppressed – lacking a “meek and lowly heart” are illuminated in a heart-felt sorrow of the old man in my own life.  This isn’t a good place to be mentally for business reasons, I realize.  And maybe I’m no longer capable of being the highly competitive business-woman I once was, willing to shred another in order to prop myself up on a mountain.  But as my worldly portion decreases, my love for others increases.  And a little voice deep inside of me whispers the name of Jesus, as a constant reminder that in all things I face, He’s finishing my faith and working out the details of my life for the sake of my soul – not my comfort here in this short stay on Earth.

In conclusion, maybe it’s OK to not win.  Maybe the temptation of pride that was set before John is the walk all of us must take at some point.  John declared in chapter 3, “I must decrease and HE (Jesus) must increase.”  Maybe my portion was hollow and empty, in order for me to seek and ultimately find my real portion – at the cross of Jesus Christ.  We have different seasons for different stages of growth needed in us all.  But the Lord promises to never leave us in a state of despair.  He brings down the pride and he exalts the humble and lowly.  It’s a cycle that is sometimes hard to understand.  But you can rest assure that if today you feel like that woman did, calling herself a dog searching for crumbs, He knows and he’s not going to leave you there.  Trust in him and believe that your day is coming!

“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and you shall find rest unto your souls.” – Mathew 11:9

For all of my realtor friends (and all of my friends) that feel like you’re begging for crumbs in a world that seems to overlook your talents, your efforts and your struggles.  Never stop begging the Lord to give you your portion.  He sees your heart and He will answer you.  Your days of little will become days of plenty in his perfect timing.

My mind is like a system that never shuts off – working to process thoughts of worry.  As one item is handled, another one surfaces in the never-ending list of objectives to be resolved.  Through computers, text messaging and social media I’m bombarded with information of what I don’t have, what I can’t achieve, what I’m delinquently failing at and what I may lose.

Recently I confessed my struggles with panic attacks and anxiety to a small group of women in a Christian chatroom.  One of the women reached out to me by email to tell me about her own struggles with anxiety and fear.  She said, “Whats the worst that can happen?  We die and get to go home?”

I’ve thought about this question a lot over the last few days.  I’ve tried to pin-point the exact source causing my illness and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not scared of dying.  I believe with all my heart that when I take my last breath on this earth, my next moment will be glorious – freed from the challenges of this life and welcoming an eternal life without pain and suffering and worry.  So then what am I scared of?

I’m scared of him leaving me.  I’m scared of the Lord allowing more trouble into a place that’s already so broken and devastated that I can hardly catch my breath at times.  The book of 1 John says:

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

This promise sounds comforting and peaceful on the outside, but as I meditate on its meaning, I realize how imperfect I am in the pursuit of Love – real love – God’s love.  I’ve witnessed the transformation in trials and the goodness that can be found in the middle of a situation so horrible, it seems impossible to find any good.  And as I plead with the Lord to deliver us from the afflictions we have faced and continue to endure, I struggle with the idea of receiving what I don’t deserve.  I deserve bad things.  After all I’ve been through, I still worry.  I still faint in my fear and battle with faith, trying to figure this all out by myself with the lingering questions, What if he doesn’t help me?  What if I’m not in line with His will for me?  What if he allows more bad things to happen because I don’t deserve deliverance?

The bible says to take captive my thoughts…

Lord, help me to do that today.  Father, please let me feel your perfect love that casts out all fear.  Heavenly Father I know you love us so much to have sent your son to die for us.  Why do I feel unworthy?  Please God show me how to be delivered by your perfect peace.  Build my faith in the wake of feeling helpless and worthless today.  Please grant me the perfect peace of Jesus that surpasses all understanding.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

 

My friend Danielle, just posted this message on facebook….  I needed it today…

For you when you need Him this week:

WHEN YOU ARE STRESSED

Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Psalm 55:22
Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.
Psalm 118:5-6
Out of my distress I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free. The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?
Proverbs 12:25
Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.
Romans 8:28
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
Matthew 11:28-30
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
James 1:12
Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.
Matthew 6:33
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Luke 10:41-42
But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”
Psalm 37:7
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!